


It Was Always You

by MyNameIsRochelleRae



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Eventual Gavin Free/Michael Jones, F/M, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, On Hiatus, Slow Build, Tags May Change, Triggers, Verbal Humiliation, side relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-12 11:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4477334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyNameIsRochelleRae/pseuds/MyNameIsRochelleRae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I keep pounding at your door, will you open it and hold me tight or will you keep running away from me? I just know that I can't lose you, if I do, it would be like losing a limb. I know it's selfish and god, I'm crying about it now but just please hear me out.</p><p>I love you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Was Simple

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by my boyfriend and the boy he could have been with. The other guy and him were friends and could have been much more, but my boyfriend broke it off with him, they never talked since. I read letters from the other guy to my boyfriend and they were truly heartbreaking. So I thought that even if it was just a story, they could be happy together in the story.
> 
> I hope you do enjoy reading it!  
> Do leave me your opinions and constructive criticisms about the story for me!

Michael Vincent Jones waited outside the band room, sitting slumped against the wall as he always did. The cacophony of noise that blared through made Michael laugh. It was after graduation and all the seniors that held the band together had left already, leaving the band to stand on the junior's shoulders. Turned out it was not such a great idea.

“Okay okay, stop! Practice your pieces and do better next week!” The conductor’s voice rang out over the off-tune mess that was a band piece. Tap tap tap, the creaking of the door, a mad rush to the car and off he went. Michael watched the conductor drive out the school.

“Hey, been waiting long?” Gavin David Free’s voice called out. Michael stood up and slung his bag pack over his shoulder. They started walking out of the school.

“Not really. Looks like your conductor didn’t like what he was hearing eh?” Michael nudged Gavin in the side.

“Look, we just need a little bit of practice!” Gavin’s voice sounded defensive. Michael turned to look at Gavin, sandy brown hair covering squinting green eyes. He felt happy. Gavin’s eyes met Michaels.

“What’s up?” Gavin brushed his hair out of his face.

“Nothing, you’ve just got something on your face.” Michael shrugged, voice nonchalant.

“What?” Gavin stopped walking and touched his face. Michael grinned; Gavin always fell for the same prank.

“My fist.” Michael lightly tapped his fist against Gavin’s face. Michael would never actually punch Gavin, why on earth would he punch his best friend.

“Hey! You bastard!” Gavin squawked, flailing his arms around. Michael laughed and ruffled Gavin’s hair. Gavin stopped flailing and grinned at Michael.

 

“Hi Mrs. Free!” Michael called out as he grabbed two cans of Coke, bread and the bottle of peanut butter and jelly.

“Why hello there Michael, where is Megan and Ray?” Gavin’s mother smiled as she saw Michael enter Gavin’s room.

“They didn’t want to wait till band practice was over,” Michael replied as he set the food down on the study table. Gavin was in the bathroom taking a shower.

“Of course, have fun. Make sure to finish your homework.” Gavin’s mother smiled.

 

“Oh Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?” Gavin exaggerated his English accent even further and spoke with gusto. They both broke into laughter.

“If only that stuffy Mr. Sorola broke into dramatic enactment of this we would actually pay attention to class.” Michael joked. Gavin rapidly shook his head in agreement.

“Literature is so hard, doesn’t really help that we have to read this in original Shakespearean.” Gavin moaned as he dropped the book on his face. It hit his face with a slight thud. The boy groaned even louder.

“Let’s just finish this quickly then we can play that new game that you got,” Michael spoke, furiously scribbling in his book. He did not have a PlayStation 4 at home; that was one of the reasons why he always hung out at Gavin’s house. He was excited to play Rocket League on the 40-inch television that Gavin had in his room. Michael was sure it would totally beat playing it on his laptop.

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting to play that game!” Gavin regained energy and quickly sat up, back resting against the foot of his bed, pen in hand. Michael smiled. Gavin looked so animated and happy.

It was all so simple. Just two best friends, doing homework, playing video games.

 

“I’m absolutely knackered,” Gavin yawned as he lay his head down on Michael’s leg. It was 6:30 pm, they had been doing literature homework for about 2 hours.

“Your bed is literally right next to us Gav.” Michael protested; patting the bed he was resting against.

“But you’re right here. Now shush and let me sleep.” Gavin’s voice slurred together and he shifted into a more comfortable position.

“Get off me Gavin, go sleep on your bed!” Michael started to move away, but Gavin opened his eyes and stared up at Michael.

“Just for a while, I’m too lazy to move.” Gavin’s voice lowered to a whisper and trailed off. Michael could not move even if he wanted to. He felt bad waking up the tired boy.

Michael stared at Gavin. He found that he looked at Gavin a lot and wondered if that was normal. Gavin had a slight 5 o’clock shadow that made his baby face look more mature. The dark circles under his eyes were not bad, but Michael thought that Gavin needed more sleep. Michael could not help but run his hand down Gavin’s calm sleeping face. Gavin had soft cheekbones, a slightly crooked nose. Michael’s fingers stopped at Gavin’s lips. They were soft, supple. Michael almost leaned down to kiss those lips.

Michael quickly looked away, he could not move lest he woke up the sleeping brown-haired boy, but he was hyper-aware of his rapid heartbeats, increasing temperature and the boy who was sleeping with his head resting on Michael’s thigh. He looked up at the ceiling and hoped that those feelings went away. Michael counted the quiet breaths and his settling heartbeats before the ceiling faded to black.

 

It was all so simple. Just two best friends; finished doing homework, played video games and now sleeping together. It was supposed to be all so simple.


	2. It Was The Adrenaline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throwing punches and bleeding red.  
> He did not regret doing that if it kept his best friend smiling. His best friend? Maybe he did not just think of him as his best friend. 
> 
> Adrenaline was the cause of everything that transpired. Can we just blame it all on the adrenaline?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, my writing style can really take away some damn good ideas because I simply just do not write some things. This chapter was supposed to be Gay Chicken between Michael and Gavin, but I don't write smut, so we lost that chapter. I'm sorry, hope this chapter is good enough.
> 
> I hope you do enjoy reading it!  
> Do leave me your opinions and constructive criticisms about the story for me!

Michael sat on the pavement with his bag pack sitting next to him. The morning dew from the grass felt cool on his skin. He raised his head when he heard the door open.

Gavin lived ten minutes away from school and Michael and Gavin made it a point to walk to school together every morning. Michael would walk to Gavin’s house and waited for the brown-haired boy before they set off together; walking helped him wake up better than a cup of coffee anyway.

“Bye, mom!” Gavin’s voice yelled out. Gavin’s mother waved at both Gavin and Michael. Michael offered a smile to the waving lady at the door as he stood up. Gavin bounded up to Michael and hooked his arm around Michaels. They started walking.

Gavin was just like that, he was the touchy-feely type of person. People could easily tell who Gavin liked by looking at who he was closest to. Constantly linking arms and nuzzling up close to them, he loved hugging and cuddling with the people he liked.

Michael laughed dryly to himself as they walked down the road. Michael absolutely hated when people touched him. Deeper than that, he hated people. People were unnecessarily harsh and judgemental. It was human instinct to judge and want to dominate the weaker people and he found it appalling. It was the cruel cycle of the human psyche that Michael truly despised. Rather than spending his time trying to get close to people who would secretly judge and want to dominate him, he kept his distance. He had seen more than enough people being at the receiving end of the cruelty.

When it came to Gavin though, it was different. Perhaps Michael just needed the breath of fresh air. Gavin was like a ray of sunshine, bursting into Michael’s life and never left.

\--

Michael sat at his seat during lunchtime; he never really ate lunch, never at the cafeteria. He did not belong to a clique, an unnecessary thing he felt. He would just stay in class, snack on sandwiches his mother packed and read his book.

Gavin came back to class earlier than normal to catch some shuteye, but he approached the reading boy much to Michael’s dismay.

“Matthew Reilley? I like him!” Gavin exclaimed, grabbing the seat in front of Michael.

“Yeah. He writes really well. I like his writing style.” Michael replied; sentences clipped. Voice clearly dripping with annoyance at the disturbance.

“I really loved the Jack West Jr series!” Gavin replied, a cheerful smile on his face. Michael was impressed by how much Gavin wanted to continue a conversation with the person who people were too intimidated to talk to. Michael gave in and continued talking to Gavin. Soon he opened up to Gavin after they discussed common interests.

\--

With Gavin around, the ice around his heart did melt a little. Gavin was just so easy to be with; it was okay if one person got close to him. That was what Michael thought he felt Gavin inch closer to Michael as they walked.

 

“Fucking faggot!” some jock yelled at them as they walked into the school hallway. It was a daily occurrence now. Gavin looked down at the ground and unhooked his arm from Michaels.

Michael aimed a pointed glare at the jock; it was Ryan Haywood, the quarterback and resident popular guy in the school.

“What? You want to pick a fight with me?” Ryan laughed and so did his cronies. The jocks and the cheerleaders, they ruled the school. Ashley Jenkins, Kara Eberle, Arryn Zech gravitated around Barbara Dunkelman. Blaine Gibson and Aaron Marquis hung out with Ryan. The whole bunch of them, the popular kids made life a living hell for weaker students. Nerds, average students and even the preps were not spared.

“Emo boy here couldn’t take you on even if he tried.” Barbara Dunkelman, head cheerleader and queen bee sneered. The other girls laughed shrilly.

“Michael, ignore them, let’s get to class.” Gavin pulled on Michael’s sleeve, desperation clear in his eyes.

“Oh Michael, my dear Michael, let’s go and make out in class.” Ashely made an exaggerated kissy face and leaned in to kiss Arryn. Arryn faked disgust on her face and burst out laughing along with the rest of them.

“Damn right. They’re both just disgusting faggots.” Ryan spit with a contemptuous grin on his face. It was as if he was almost daring Michael to do something about it.

Normally Michael said nothing, he would look at Gavin who had tears in his eyes and decided to walk away with him. But today, it was just too much. One too many times Gavin was bullied like this. Gavin would say nothing about it and acted as if nothing happened and went about being cheerful and happy like he always was. When they went home, Gavin would have tears in his eyes and he would cry in Michael’s arms. It hurt Gavin, and in turn, hurt Michael. Enough was enough.  

Michael started to get pissed off. He felt his heart start to race and his breath come in short gasps. His fists started to ball up and he started to shake.

“Michael, let’s go now. Please.” Gavin’s voice pleaded, but Michael could barely hear it over his own heartbeats.

Michael strode up to Ryan, and he swung his fist. It was as if everything was in slow motion, the bastard was laughing, mouth wide open. His fist connected with Ryan’s jaw and he watched as Ryan’s face shifted with the punch.

“Fuck you!” Michael screamed; face red with anger. The rest of them stared blankly at him; they were too shocked to do anything. Ryan recovered from the punch with an ugly grimace on his face and blood dripping down from his nose. Michael immediately felt regret as he felt his whole body hit the floor and his face started to tingle. Ryan had punched him back.

At this point, everyone stopped to stare at the fistfight. Ryan stalked closer to Michael.

“How fucking dare you, you homo freak of nature!” Ryan’s voice was full of rage. Michael stood up and threw his hands in front of his face in an attempt to defend himself. He felt his body being yanked backwards before another punch connected with his arms.

“Christ! Michael, run!” Gavin let go of Michael’s bag and started to sprint out of school. Michael started to run as he threw glances at his back, looking at Ryan and the other jocks at their heels.

“Shit, shit, shit! We need to lose them!” Michael yelled as they made a sharp right turn into an alleyway. Gavin tailed him and they climbed up the dumpster and jumped over the wall.

“You little shits, consider yourselves lucky.” Ryan’s voice boomed from the other side of the wall. Michael and Gavin continued running in case Ryan was just bluffing. They ran to the carpark nearby before they stopped to catch their breath.

 

“Guess we’re going to get into trouble for this.” Michael stated after catching his breath.

“I guess so too.” Gavin agreed.

 

They sat on the roof of the carpark, legs hanging over the edge.

“You’re bleeding still.” Gavin pointed out as he grabbed a tissue out of his bag. He dabbed the blood off Michael’s face. Michael flinched at the pain. His lip was split open and god, he hoped his nose was not broken.

“Thanks.” Michael took the tissue from Gavin and gently dabbed at the wounds. He had never been in a fistfight and decided that he would never be in a fistfight ever again.

“No, thank you.” Gavin whispered.

“For what?” Michael looked at Gavin.

“For sticking up for me. They are all pieces of shit and everyone knows it but no one tries to fight the power. You stood up for me. You got angry for me and you were injured for me. I owe you more than just a thank you. I really do Michael!” Gavin suddenly exclaimed, eyes burning with passion.

“Of course I got angry for you. Not just for you, but for everyone who had been bullied by them. It was time someone at least tried to knock them down.” Michael’s voice was full of self-confidence. “Although, next time, I should develop faster reflexes so that I don’t get punched right in the face again.”

“God, you’re so fucking hot right now.” Gavin’s voice sounded like he was joking but his eyes were dead serious.

“Hell yeah, I just punched the star quarterback. I’m dripping with testosterone.” Michael joked, his face stung but no way was he going to admit it now.

“Fuck, am I going to do this now?” Gavin mumbled under his breath.

“Do what?” Michael questioned as he stared at Gavin with a confused look.

“Shit, I am. Michael, can I be honest with you?” Gavin suddenly got serious. Michael was seriously starting to get curious. Gavin was a goofball and never really got serious for anything. Michael only ever saw Gavin get this serious when they debating about whether pizza or hamburgers were better. Pizza won. That was beside the point Michael thought as he nodded.

“I, umm, I think I’m in love you.” Gavin whispered; eyes fixated on the ground.

Michael took a second to process what Gavin said. He blinked and raised his hand to cover the spreading blush on his face. He did not make a sound but one thought came up in his mind.

_Shit. I think I may be in love with you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 4 in the morning and I suddenly had the inspiration to write the next chapter of this story. Writing is going to destroy my life and I don't mind at all. It already destroyed my sleep schedule.
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> Forgive me if there are any spelling/grammar errors, do leave comments and constructive criticisms for me!  
> Please let me know if you like what you're reading by leaving me a kudos and a comment!


	3. It Was Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would do anything for you. Take a bullet for you, well, in this case, I'd take a punch for you. But, we are friends right? Just friends. Maybe something more. Will it work? If it were something more. God tells me no, my mother refuses it outrightly. Society rejects the thought completely. Trouble all around us, will we find a way to make it work?  
> Is it okay for me to say that I love you? Maybe. Maybe maybe will be our always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man are things heating up.  
> I've been swamped with school work but heck, I want to continue writing this. God knows this is more interesting than school. No one would take a punch for me in school, nor would I punch anyone anyway.
> 
> I hope you do enjoy reading it!  
> Do leave me your opinions and constructive criticisms about the story for me!

“You haven’t replied me; you haven’t said a word, Michael.” Gavin’s voice was breaking. Michael stared at Gavin still unable to say anything to him.

_Shit, I should say something. I should, he’s crying. Shit, I really need to say something._

“I, umm, Gavin, I…” Michael tried to start, but his phone started to ring. It was his mom. Michael remembered that they skipped school.

“Fuck. That’s my mom; I think we should head back. Now.” Michael’s voice was panicked as he grabbed his bag and left. Taking two steps, he was pulled back by Gavin’s tight grip.

“I won’t let you go until you give me a reply. I refuse to let this sit. If you don’t feel anything for me, tell me and we can remain friends. I don’t want this to just stay in the air and watch you distance yourself from me and eventually just leave because you feel bad rejecting me.” Gavin had tears in his eyes, but his voice was firm. Michael did not know what to say. It was all too fast.

“Umm, Gavin… I really don’t know…” Michael tried to find a diplomatic answer. _I am supposed to be your best friend, only just your best friend. We are both male, people will mock us and ridicule us. You will get hurt further Gavin. I cannot let that happen to you._

“No, please Michael, even if it’s just a little, tell me. Please.” Gavin started to plead, the tears falling from his face. _Well, shit. He knows I cannot stand his crying face. He has been using it against me ever since we started hanging out._

“Please don’t cry Gavin. Look, I will tell you what I know right now. I know that we have been best friends for four years now. I know that I look at you a lot; I know that I like being with you a lot; I know that I just punched and offended the star quarterback for you. I know that I would do anything to protect you, but I don’t know if I love you yet.” Michael stared at the ground, feeling his cheeks heat up. He felt Gavin’s grip loosen.

“Yet. I’ll make you fall I love with me then.” Gavin flashed his signature grin, a determined glint in his eyes.

“Sure, we need to go now. If you have forgotten the current situation, we have skipped class after I assaulted the star quarterback.” Michael turned around and started marching off, willing the growing blush off his face. _I’ll make you fall in love with me then. You do not really have to do that Gavin, I am already on my way there._

Michael walked Gavin home before heading to his own house.

It was a quiet walk. They made nothing but small talk. Perhaps Gavin was just thinking about what Michael had said. Michael knew that he was definitely thinking about it. He was wondering what would happen to them now.

As they approached Gavin’s home, Michael saw Gavin’s mother running out of the house, worry plastered on her face. Michael knew that his parents would not be as kind. They loved him sure, but they just yelled a lot at each other to show love. The typical depiction of a New Jersey family, they yelled a lot.

 

“What is the meaning of all this young man? I’m in the middle of my break, tired from running around getting coffee and taking messages for those snobby bosses and I get a call from the school telling me that my son is playing hooky after brutally assaulting a quarterback?” Michael’s mom started yelling the minute Michael reached the gate. “Your father and I work so hard saving money to get you to school and you ruin your chances at getting into a good college by ruining your conduct grades?”

“Look, mom, he deserved it! It’s not like he didn’t punch back!” Michael got defensive as he stomped up the stairs.

“I don’t care if he deserved it; you do not ruin your chances of getting into a good college because some quarterback gives you a hard time!” Michael’s mom walked into the kitchen and angrily shoveled ice into a bag.

“I’m made of tougher; the quarterback was talking shit about Gavin okay.” Michael pulled his shoes off before collapsing on his bed. His face started to sting again.

“That’s Gavin’s problem. Boys will be boys anyway.” Michael’s mother sat by the side of his bed and pushed the bag of ice hard against Michael’s face. He winced at the pain but said nothing.

“Well, if someone called me a faggot, homo freak of nature, I would punch them.” Michael looked away from his mom, remembering the pain in Gavin’s eyes.

“Well, homos deserve more than just a punch. They deserve to go to hell.” Michael’s mother tried to brush the hair out of Michael’s eyes, but he brushed her hand off with force. He sat up, the bag of ice dropped into his lap.

“What the hell is wrong with being gay?” Michael almost screamed. He watched his mother’s face turn from shock to plain disgust.

“Everything. God states in the bible that any man who sleeps with another man is forbidden and would be banished to hell. Gay people are abominations, freaks of nature.” The words that came out of her mouth sounded like a mantra that was repeated multiple times. The serious look on her face made Michael’s stomach turn.

“Gavin and I have sleepovers all the time. He sleeps next to me. So you’re telling me we’re both going to hell?” Michael tried to wipe the look of resentment off his face. As much as he hated the words, his mother was still his mother.

“That is different. You do not have the same feelings that you have for women, for him. You’re just friends.” Michael’s mother attempted to touch him again, but he dodged away from her touch. His face heating up with anger.

“What if I do have those types of feelings for him? What the fuck is wrong with that?” Michael got out the bed and grabbed his bag pack.

“What! Are you telling me you are gay? You come back here, Michael Vincent Jones! We are going to bring you right to the church and cleanse you of that sin. I swear to God if you go to Gavin, I will disown you!” Michael’s mother yelled as Michael ran out of the house.

_To hell with it. If I am going to hell, so be it. At least there, I would be away from judging eyes._

 

Michael ran out the house, did not even grab his shoes and ran barefooted in the streets. The Texas heat burnt the bottoms of Michael’s feet, but he kept running. He had to be anywhere but there. Anywhere but near his mother.

 

“What’s wrong sweetie, you’re crying.” Gavin’s mother let him into the house. Michael touched his cheeks and felt the wetness on them. He was crying. He guessed it was the mix of being threatened to be disowned by his mother, the punch from earlier and running on scorching hot granite road that pushed him over the edge.

Michael felt enveloped by a warm body. He tried to pull away but the arms tightened around him. He recognised the scent. It was Gavin. He relaxed his body into Gavin’s hug.

“It’s okay Michael, I’m here.” Gavin whispered into Michael’s ear as Michael sobbed into Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin patted Michael’s back softly.

There was banging on the front door and the voice behind the door was calling for Michael to come out at once. Michael’s breathing stopped and body tensed up. The quiet whispers from Gavin did nothing to stop his body from trembling. He collapsed; Gavin’s arms cushioned the blow.

 

\--

 _Jesus loves me! This I know,_  
For the Bible tells me so.   
Little ones to Him belong;   
They are weak, but He is strong.

“Michael, remember to be a good boy. You’ll go to hell otherwise. You don’t want to go to hell right?” Michael’s mother repeated those words to Michael so many times. All he did was nod his head and agreed with his mother.

_I forgot to be a good boy mom. I’ll go to hell. This time, I may just want to go._

\--

 

Michael opened his eyes to emerald green. Gavin was above him, holding a wet towel cloth to his forehead. They said nothing to each other. The pounding headache made Michael frown.

“What’s wrong?” Gavin’s voice was quiet. Gavin stepped away from Michael and turned away from him.

“My head hurts. What happened?” Michael croaked out. His voice heavy with sleep.

“Your mother was banging against our door. She was yelling at how I unclean and to unhand you. Yelling at how I corrupted you. You started to shake and you just stopped breathing. You fainted in my arms. God, I thought I lost you Michael.” Gavin’s voice was thick with worry but he was still turned away from Michael.

“Where is she?” Michael tried to get up but he got dizzy and fell back down into the bed.

“Gone home. My mother talked to her. Talked to her for a while. There was a lot of yelling. Don’t worry about it.” Gavin’s sentences were clipped. “I’ll go get you some aspirin, after that I’ll leave you alone.”

_You’ll leave me alone? Why?_

“I’m sorry for bothering you. Have a good rest. Whenever you are ready to leave, please do, I understand.” Gavin started to sound upset, even had an edge of anger to it. He started to walk away but Michael was confused. Michael reached out and grabbed Gavin’s arm.

“What did I do?” Michael’s voice was weak still.

“Not you. Me. I should have just kept everything in. I knew what kind of family you were brought up into. I knew that what I felt for you was wrong. I should have kept it all to myself. I caused you to have a disciplinary record and your mother seemed so angry at you.” Gavin started crying out.

_What? No, don’t cry._

Michael pulled Gavin close to him. Their faces were so close to each other, Michael could feel Gavin’s warm breath against his lips. Michael brought his face closer to Gavin’s. He closed the gap in between them.

Soft lips brushed against each other. Fingers caught in the red locks and arms hooked around Gavin’s neck to keep his closer. They pulled away. Eyes glazed over. Gavin leaned forward again, this time engaging in a passionate kiss.

Lips locked, Gavin licked Michael’s lips, inviting him to open his mouth. Michael hesitated at first but gentle urging by Gavin made him open it. Gavin’s tongue slipped in and fought for dominance. Michael felt something he never felt before, he felt like his heart was throbbing, as if he were weightless. Was this love?

Gavin pulled away gently. They both caught their breath.

“Stay with me.” Michael whispered, resting his forehead against Gavin’s. He felt the smile grow on Gavin’s face and he smiled too.

“Always. I love you Michael.” Gavin whispered back.

“I think I love you too. Maybe.” Michael breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again falling into the habit of writing in the middle of the night when I have 9am classes the next day. If writing doesn't kill me, school will. I hope this chapter is worth it.
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> Forgive me if there are any spelling/grammar errors, do leave comments and constructive criticisms for me!  
> Please let me know if you like what you're reading by leaving me a kudos and a comment!


	4. It Was A Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all one big mess, glass broken everywhere, hard to clean up. It was two people broken apart, unsure how to continue. One pushed them over the edge, the other was the helpless victim.   
> Look at the light, oh how beautiful, looks like everything in my dreams.   
> One was trying to move on, the other learnt about their true feelings.   
> Turn back the time because everything is back to normal. No scars, all smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally took me eight hours to write this. Damn my procrastination and extremely short attention span. I cannot wait to start with the next chapter because oh man, I plan it to be a real hard hitter.
> 
> Not related: Can someone please recommend me some hipster movies and songs? 
> 
> I hope you do enjoy reading it!  
> Do leave me your opinions and constructive criticisms about the story for me!

“What’s up jailbirds? How was your suspension?” Ray asked, wrapping his arm around Michael’s shoulder. Michael shrugged. It was great to be back in school, a month of suspension was hell; he caught up with classes through Ray Narvaez Jr., his close friend and Meg Turney, Gavin’s close friend.

“You guys should have visited more often,” Gavin replied; hand hooked around Michael’s arm. 

“Maybe, but we were afraid that we would interrupt some make-out sessions. We decided to give you some alone time.” Meg joked, jabbing her elbow into Michael’s side.

“Hey now, look, lots of things happened, and I did not mean for whatever I did to happen. I swear it was all the adrenaline that day.” Michael threw his hands up in the air, denying everything. _It was just a blur of emotions. I wasn’t sure what I was saying and doing._ Michael caught the flash of hurt on Gavin’s face before turning away.

“So, you guys are a thing now huh? You owe that twenty bucks, Turney. I knew Gavin had a thing for Michael.” Ray smirked at Meg, who in turn stuck her tongue at him.

“We are not a thing. Not at all.” Michael pulled his hand out of Gavin’s hold and quickly walked to his locker. _It was just me being confused. I do not actually love Gavin. Of course not. I am a man, and so is he. Those feelings are unholy._

“You know, Ryan’s got huge beef with you guys. Heard that you broke his nose.” Meg spoke to Michael, her voice suddenly serious. Michael shrugged again. _Ryan was just a prick anyway._

“I can take care of myself. Look, he was an ass and deserved to have his nose broken. One thing I need to clear up is that Gavin and I are not a thing. I was just caught up in many emotions that day. It was not supposed to happen like that.” Michael removed his books out of his locker and headed into his classroom without looking at them. As he walked to the direction of his classroom, he could still hear the lingering conversation that Gavin, Ray and Meg were having.

“Shit, Gav, I’m sorry.” Meg’s voice was almost drowned out by the school crowd.

“I’m sure he did not mean it.” Ray’s voice was soft with concern.

 _Fuck. It just was not supposed to go down the way it did. I am straight. I like girls. Not boys. Definitely not my best friend. It is wrong._ Michael shook his head as he took his seat. The moment he did, whispers started to fill the classroom and he felt stares all around him. The whispers were all about the events that led him to be suspended.

“He broke Ryan’s nose. He’s something scary.” “Heard he was gay and he totally punched Ryan to defend his lover.” “Isn’t he the guy who broke Ryan’s nose, he is so cool.” Michael wanted everyone to stop talking. The chatter was overwhelming him. He did not need this. He just wanted to left alone; it turns out that sitting at the back of the class did not help this time.

“Quiet down everyone.” Burnie Burns, the math teacher, called out. The class settled into silence quickly as Burnie started to scribble math formulas on the board. Michael quietly whispered thanks, to Burnie and for the silence. He would still feel the occasional stares, but he could deal with that. As long as the noise did not continue. _Fuck._

 

Walking to the cafeteria, Michael realised that majority of the people in the cafeteria were staring at him, whispering to each other. Without looking anyone in the eye, he took his food and walked to the table where Meg and Ray were.

“Where’s Gavin?” Michael asked as he picked at his food.

“You knew you hurt him,” Meg spoke, her voice hard. The anger from the two was almost palpable.

“I didn’t mean it. You both know.” Michael tried to defend himself, but his voice sounded defeated. _I know I hurt him, but it is wrong. We cannot be together. Better I stop it now before it becomes too serious and we both get hurt._

“Does he? He loves you. In his face, right in his face, you disregarded everything that happened. Fuck you Michael.” Ray’s jaw was tight and his fist was trembling.

“Well, has anyone considered the situation that I am in? I was raised in a strict Roman Catholic family. I go to church every Sunday. I sit at the pews listening to how everything I do now is a sin. You think that it is easy to feel the things I feel being in conflict with the things I have learned?” Michael whispered; a tear rolled down his cheek. _Here I am using my religion as an excuse for hurting my best friend, the person I love._

“Does it matter at this point? You hurt him. You spent a whole month together with him, it was the happiest he has ever been. Finally with the person he loves and in one sentence you tore it all down.” Meg spit out, she stood up and walked away. Ray stared hard at Michael and let out a long sigh.

“I know you love Gavin too. God, I see it in your eyes. The regret and everything. Just talk to him. Talk to Gavin and work things out.” Ray patted Michael’s back before leaving the cafeteria as well. Michael stared at his food until the bell rang. His stomach turned every time he remembered the hurt on Gavin’s face.

 

\--

Gavin’s mother entered the room with a hot drink in her hand. She sat next to Michael on the bed as Gavin walked out of his room. Michael caught the little nod they gave each other when she entered. She explained what had happened when Michael’s mother came into their house after Gavin carried Michael into his room.

“She loves you, of course, but her religion rules her. I managed to talk some sense in her but whether she can put it past her religion to see past your supposed sin is her decision.” Her voice was soft and understanding.  

 

Michael’s mother had been trying to call for hours. Michael picked up his phone after Gavin was sound asleep next to him.

“You’re still my son. As much as I hate to admit it. Look, you keep all that homo stuff away from my house and I will tolerate you.” Her voice was strained on the phone.

“You’ll tolerate your son. Nice thing to say mom, not even a hello how are you.” Michael laughed dryly. The words stabbed at his heart, but he refused to admit it.

“This has caused us a lot of trouble. What would the church members say about your dad and me? That we raised a mutation of nature? I could only imagine their pointed glares. You’re such a disappointment. However, you are still my son. So I will tolerate it.” Her reply cut even deeper. A mutation? For loving his best friend.

“Michael?” Gavin got up and rubbed his eyes. Michael ran his fingers through Gavin’s soft brown hair. Gavin laid back on the bed and closed his eyes again. _I will protect you._

“Fine. Tolerate me, hate me, and despise what I have become. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself. But like you said, I’ll still be your son no matter what, so suck it up.” Michael declared, tired of being held to their expectations of being the model Christian son.

\--

 

“Michael, care to tell us about what makes Gatsby great?” Gus Sorola, his literature teacher spoke, and it pulled him out of the memory. Michael caught Gavin looking at him.

“His endless pursuit. His endless pursuit for the American dream, for Daisy. Even up until his death, Gatsby believed and fought for his love and his want for the American Dream and for Daisy. Even when he realised the magnificent green light he was chasing was just an ordinary green light, and Daisy was just a shallow narcissist, he still wanted her. The idea of her. The idea of them.” Michael spoke, feeling like Gatsby when he reached out for the green light.  

“I was afraid that we lost you Michael but that was a great answer. Gatsby was a fool but a romantic fool. Thinking that all the riches and all the parties he threw would turn back time and get Daisy back to his side. Would you fall in love with Gatsby again if you were Daisy?” Gus spoke, directing a question to Michael.

“I would. A self-made man like Gatsby? He deserves a second chance. His devotion to her was so deep and real. However shallow I would be as Daisy, even Gatsby deserves a second look.” Michael looked at Gavin. Gavin did not meet his stare.

“Interesting answer. Great to have you and Gavin back in class. Your analysis on Romeo and Juliet was fantastic.” Gus continued analysing The Great Gatsby to a class that frankly did not care.

 

Class ended and Michael walked to his locker. Post it notes with vile statements plastered his locker. “Michael sucks dick.” “Michael and Gavin eat ass.” “Michael is a cock slut.” _These people need to develop better vocabulary if they think that this is supposed to make me feel insulted._ Michael ripped the post-its off his locker and deposited his books back into the locker before walking away.

Down the hallway, he saw Gavin staring at his locker. _Dammit, they must have done the same thing to him._ Without realising it, his body was already running towards Gavin. Michael reached Gavin to see that Gavin was just staring at the post it notes, sobs wracking his body.

“Gavin!” Michael called out, reaching for Gavin. Gavin’s eyes opened wide with shock.

“Stay away from me!” Gavin ran away. Michael tailed Gavin as he ran into the band room. Michael wanted to enter but decided that Gavin needed time.

 

The previous mess of melodies had more structure now. It actually sounded like something people could stand to listen. Michael sat back against the wall, as he always used to. Like how things used to be. _No, I refuse to have things go back to what they were like. Gavin loves me. I love him too. What am I so afraid of? Why am I afraid of admitting it?_

Michael watched the conductor walk out of the room and he stood up. Just as he caught a glimpse of Gavin in the group of band members, he heard a low growl behind him.

“Hey faggot. Waiting for your boyfriend?” Ryan flanked by Aaron and Blaine surrounded him.

“Look, let’s talk things out. We both don’t need to be suspended again.” Michael threw his hands up as he looked back. Gavin was staring at the situation that was unfolding, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Oh no, let me just talk to the person who took away my chances at a football scholarship.” Ryan stalked closer and closer to Michael. Michael tried to signal for Gavin to move away but Gavin just stayed where he was. _Shit._

Michael broke into a sprint and grabbed Gavin’s arm before running out again. He knew that they would not be able to outrun the jocks; heck, the jocks ran for fun. They bounded closer to Michael and Gavin, closing the gap.

Juking right, they pair ran into the field before realising what a terrible mistake it was. They were literally on the jocks territory. Laughter boomed from the jocks before they got into position to tackle the two of them. Michael stopped Gavin and looked at the bleachers. Gavin nodded slightly. As the jocks were ready to charge, the two split directions and ran wildly. Michael led Ryan and Blaine around the showers before losing them under the bleachers. Gavin ran in after him. They heard the stomping above them and they kept their mouths shut.

 

The stomping and yelling stopped after a few minutes as they decided to go elsewhere to find the pair. Awkward silence filled the air.

“So, we’re under the bleachers. Wonder how many couples were here to make out at this very spot?” Gavin tried to break the silence. Michael could not let out a laugh. He was scared. He was afraid that Gavin would reject his apology. That he fucked things up so badly that it just could not be fixed.

“I’m sorry Gavin.” Michael blurted. Gavin took a second to respond. The wait nearly killed Michael. _Just punch me or something already. I deserve it anyway._ Gavin’s reply was something he did not expect. An apology.

“It’s okay. I overreacted. I did not put myself in your shoes. Your relationship with your parents is still rocky and it is because of me. People are gossiping about you and calling you names behind your back because of me. I should be the one who should be grovelling on the ground for forgiveness.” Gavin smiled a broken smile. Michael could see that Gavin was trying to keep it all in but it just was not working.

“I love you.” Michael drew Gavin into his arms and whispered into the nape of his neck. “I really do love you. This time I am sure.”

“I… I love you too Michael.” Gavin whispered back. Michael felt his shoulder grow wet and just stroked Gavin’s back.

It was a terrible mess. The whole situation. It was their mess to clean up and fix together hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally wrote this one at a respectable timing. Although, I spent the whole day trying to write this. I should have been studying for my upcoming finals exams but eh, it's all open book, so here's to writing to distract!
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> Forgive me if there are any spelling/grammar errors, do leave comments and constructive criticisms for me!  
> Please let me know if you like what you're reading by leaving me a kudos and a comment!


	5. It Was The Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's worse than being away from the one you love?   
> What's worse is when they are right in plain sight, close enough to touch and to hold and yet you are not able to do it.   
> What's worse is when you see them every day and they choose not to see you.  
> What's worse is thinking that you did everything wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me start by apologising. I was so busy this whole month. I had to study for my exams, take my exams, plan my birthday party and execute my birthday party.   
> Also played Mass Effect 3, which took up a lot of time.   
> BUT, here is the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope you do enjoy reading it!  
> Do leave me your opinions and constructive criticisms about the story for me!

One week. The brown haired boy did not interact with him for one week. Gavin avoided him as if the events of the previous week did not happen. He was confused. What happened? _Did I do something wrong?_ He tried to contact the Brit, but there was never a response. Not until one week later, at 2 am, the vibrations from his phone on the bedside table woke him.

\--

Michael sat, back against the wall, waiting for his… boyfriend to finish his band practice. It was still weird calling his best friend, his boyfriend. Of course, it still would be. He missed Gavin in the morning; he woke up slightly late.

“Hey, Gavin.” Michael stood up, a smile spreading across his face. He stared at green eyes. The flitting unhappiness in them was immediately covered up by simple acknowledgment. The Brit did not attempt to respond. It was weird. Gavin would normally be bounding up to him, telling Michael about his day. Instead, Gavin nodded curtly towards his direction and walked out of the school. Michael thought nothing of it. Maybe today was just not a good day and he needed space. Everyone went through that time.

 

 _Did I do something wrong? Maybe I should have called more often or something?_ Michael thought as he sat on the lawn outside of Gavin’s house. In his lap sat a box of chocolate cake. The Brit loved that bakery’s cakes, especially the chocolate cake. _I hope he will talk to me soon._

Michael waited. It was odd; the boy was late. He rarely ever was late. Getting up to his feet, he walked to the front door. Maybe the boy woke up late. Just as Michael raised his hand to knock on the door, Mrs Free already opened it.

“Michael, dear, what are you doing here? Gavin already left.” Mrs Free looked as confused as Michael felt.

“He left already? What time did he leave?” Michael stared at the box of cake he was holding.

“Thirty minutes ago I think. He left much earlier than normal. Did not tell me why. I just thought he was rushing to meet you. I did find it odd; he would always walk to school with you.” Mrs Free explained.

“Well, maybe I will catch him in school. Could you do me a favour Mrs Free? I bought Gavin his favourite cake; could you give it to him later? I might miss him again.” Michael lifted the box closer to Mrs Free. She nodded. He caught a flash of guilt in her eyes.

_Guilt? Is she hiding something from me?_

_Is Gavin hiding from me?_

 

“Hey, uhh, Ray, got any reasons why Gavin seems to be avoiding me since Monday?” Gavin was nowhere to be seen at the cafeteria. Normally he would be with him. It was Wednesday and Michael had barely caught a glimpse of Gavin.

“I don’t know what’s up. He has not spoken to me since then either, the same thing with Meg.” Ray looked at Michael, concern plain in his eyes. It was weird. He took the phone from his pocket and opened the conversation he had with Gavin. It stopped since Sunday night.

“Huh.” Michael nodded as he started texting Gavin.

**Michael: Hey Gavvers. Can you tell me what’s going on?**

**Michael: You can talk to me about anything.**

Michael slipped his phone back into his pocket, hoping to get a reply from the Brit soon.

“Did you do something to upset him?” Meg set her tray down next to Ray.

“Why would I? Everything was going well. He just stopped talking me Sunday night. I waited for him to go to school together and walk home together from his band practice.” Michael stirred the pudding around in his cup.

“I just thought… I am sorry for suspecting you, Michael. Just that previously, you know…” Meg set her fork down, apologising for the misunderstanding.

“Nah. I thought I did something wrong too.” Michael looked at his phone. There was no reply. His temper rose as he saw that the message was read a minute after he sent it, but there was no reply. Michael quickly calmed himself down. _Maybe he wants to talk in class._

 

Gavin always sat next to Michael in any classes they had together, like literature. When Michael entered the class along with the stream of other people, he saw Gavin already seated. Not in their usual spot. Gavin was seated right in the front row.

_I have had enough of this._

Michael walked towards Gavin, the temper from before surged back up. He could taste the malice in his mouth and unclenched his hand, which was already red and radiating pain from him digging his fingernails into his flesh.

“Hey, Gavin.” Michael worked to stave off the anger he held. The boy did not look up.

“Michael.” _A one-word reply. Really Gavin?_

“You have been ignoring me. Did I do something wrong?” Michael breathed out loudly through his nose.

“No… Not you.” Gavin still did not look at Michael. He started to scribble on his notebook. Gavin only did it when he was nervous.

“Then what? Why are you ignoring me?” Michael started to grow exasperated; he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Sorry Michael. I wish I could tell you. I am so sorry Michael.” Gavin’s voice started to break. Michael reached out to touch Gavin’s shoulder when he saw tear marks on the notebook page.

“Please Michael, stay away from me.” Gavin’s voice was strained with tears. Finally looking up to meet eyes with Michael, Michael saw the tear tracks down Gavin’s face. Michael nodded stiffly, shuffling back to his seat right as Mr Sorola walked in.

Michael was floored. What happened? _Is he tired of me? Why won’t he tell me?_

\--

“Michael.” The voice on the other line was breathy. Quiet sobbing cleared Michael’s tired mind.

“What’s wrong Gavin?” He immediately asked, worried about the Brit.

“I need to see you. Please.” The sweet melodious voice was broken and beaten down. “I’m outside. Please, I need to see you.”

“Wait right there.” Michael bounded out of his bed and ran to his front door.

Gavin was standing outside wearing his pyjamas, sobbing and crying into his sleeve. He looked up to Michael, eyes red and swollen. He took a shaky step forward and touched Michael’s arm softly. Michael immediately enveloped him in a hug and stroked his back.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay now. Let’s get you inside.” Michael led the boy inside, never letting go of the crying boy.

“It’s not.” Gavin whispered voice choked by his tears.

Michael sat the boy on the bed and covered him with a blanket. The boy’s skin was cold to the touch. He wanted to fetch Gavin a cup of water, but he would rather not leave the boy alone yet. _Later._

They sat side by side in silence, only broken by the sobs of the Brit. Michael continued stroking Gavin’s back with Gavin’s head resting on Michael’s shoulder. Michael desperately wanted to know why his boyfriend did not speak to him for one week, telling him to stay away from him. He desperately wanted to know why his boyfriend ended up outside his house in his pyjamas at three in the morning. He desperately wanted to know how to make his boyfriend feel better.

 

“I might be moving back to England.” Gavin whispered in the middle of a sob.

_Well, shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry. It took me long enough to update this story. Another reason was that I kinda could not sit down long enough to focus.   
> For once I wrote something at acceptable timings. Would have completed this earlier if not from the abyss called Tumblr. @fandomtearsandfeels (fandom) and @boredandfabulous (random)
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> Forgive me if there are any spelling/grammar errors, do leave comments and constructive criticisms for me!  
> Please let me know if you like what you're reading by leaving me a kudos and a comment!

**Author's Note:**

> I have had a blast writing this so far. My gosh do I love this and hate this.   
> It's the first time writing a continuing story and I hope this one is fine. Hopefully all of you liked it as much as I liked writing this!
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> Forgive me if there are any spelling/grammar errors, do leave comments and constructive criticisms for me!  
> Please let me know if you like what you're reading by leaving me a kudos and a comment!


End file.
